It's hard to leave, because know that there is the possiblity that I'm not coming back. It's not hard because there is the possibility that I'm NOT COMING BACK, but because there is the POSSIBILITY, that I'm not coming back. If I know, that I'm not coming back, then I have time to prepare for it. I can say goodbye to everyone, I can close things inside me. I'm not saying that it's not heartbreaking, but at least I have a method to prepare, and live through. In case of uncertanity I can't even feel sorry for myself, for I have that little hope, that maybe, I'm coming back. I can't leave things behind, because I don't want to do that, if there is even a little chance that it's unnnecessary. It's like you never want to say goodbye to good things, but sometimes you have to. But in this case I don't know if it is really necessary, if I want to be realistic, I should just in case, but I don't want to be pessimistic, and I don't even want to talk about this possibility.